A More Excellent Way

tiger_eyes1It is easy to miss our own failures when our eyes are on the failures of others. When we have been wronged, we dwell on every aspect of the injustice. We turn it over in our minds enough to know every nuance of the wrong done to us. We consider how easily we see how they should have behaved. The matter is settled in our minds. We are the intentional victims of the actions of another.

Now we nurse our wounds. Maybe we do so in seclusion, gallantly protecting the wrong doer. Or maybe we enlist the sympathy of our friends to our plight. Misery loves company.

Time passes. Maybe a little, maybe a lot depending on how long our heart takes to soften. Then we forgive the person. We begin to realize they are trapped in their own wounds. Maybe they did not do it intentionally. Maybe they did not realize the extent of their behavior.

This process goes on, but the whole time it is other focused. We are still the victim. We may even give a cursory acknowledgment of our faults in the past, but today we are the victim. Today they are the perpetrator. We are the one suffering the injury, the insult, the injustice. Continue reading “A More Excellent Way”

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The Importance of Learning How to Love

Itd16690400441921886c8611b29676fdcx is a myth of epic proportions that relationships work between the right people and fail between the wrong people. Today parents believe they got a bad egg, when their child does not behave. Men and women believe they married the wrong person, when their marriage is in shambles. We have the same thinking when it comes to our pets, we think we got a bad dog when it barks all the time, or chews the furniture.

In reality, no one drew the short straw. Everyone is in the same boat of needing to learn how to have healthy relationships. No one is going to birth a child that knows how to behave. No one is going to have a healthy marriage without learning how. No barking dog is going to bark less unless it is trained to do so.veruca_salt

If you burn everything you cook on your stove, you don’t buy a new stove to fix the problem, you learn how to cook. No one can cook without learning how. Some will learn from trial and error, some from cook books, some from parents or a friend, and some from You Tube. But no one just knows how to cook.

We did not do something wrong by not having been taught. But once we realize we want to cook and enjoy what we make, it is time to make the effort to learn. The myth that relationships work with the right people will keep us from realizing our problem is not a need for the right people, but the right training.

When we are properly armed with the right tools for healthy relationships, Continue reading “The Importance of Learning How to Love”

Occupying Your Own Life

Mobile Phone -- iphone -- Aug 2012 110Excess without purpose becomes waste. We have all experienced this. Whether it’s extra money, space, time, relationships, or land, if it is not purposed for something intentionally it becomes a magnet for whatever comes along to fill it or take it.

Money

This principle often happens with money when a person receives extra monthly income. The problem begins when this extra income is not purposed for anything in particular. The hope is that ends will meet better just because the extra is there. In no time at all, the extra is swallowed up and we hope for another raise or bonus to come along to rescue us from our financial woes.

Space

It’s a great practice to clear out old clutter and get one’s home in order. However, a newly cleared space is a powerful magnet drawing stuff from everywhere to fill it. This is an easy thing to experiment with. Clear out an old closet or a shelf in the kitchen and watch how fast it finds new stuff. Try again and clear it out with a plan of what you purpose to fill that space. Then you are far more likely to succeed in maintaining it for the reason you purposed it for. Continue reading “Occupying Your Own Life”

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